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Tips for Dealing with Angry Customers by Matthew Hill 

They need to feel Acknowledged – An angry person feels a build up of pressure and frustration from not being listened to or understood. No one has shown them the decency to hear them out and admit that they have a case. 

Tip – Cross your own “Snake Pit” and admit what you can. Acknowledge that they have a case. Empathise with the frustration that comes from their circumstance. In such a way you built trust and the chance to begin a meaningful dialogue and so move toward resolution. 

Prove you are Listening – If you repeat their words you are not showing them that you understand, only that you have heard their sound. 

Tip – Reframe and rephrase to PROVE that you have understood their words in the way that they wish to be understood. This happens surprisingly rarely in the business world. It is a quick and efficient way to repair relationship damage and move on to dialogue. 

“Sorry”– There has never been a single resolution without some redistribution of POWER. Shifting the imbalance in power is critical to allowing a constructive conversation to flow, uncovering solutions that are perceived as fair, workable or acceptable. 

Tip – Acknowledge your contribution to the mess you are both in. It may be painful, go against your image of self, but, give it a go. It shifts the energy and gets the debate started. 

Stay Calm – Emotionally step out of the dispute. Dial down your blood pressure and the rush of unhelpful judgements, labels and insults running through your brain. They are not good for your health. When you are calm you have access to your better emotional qualities and all of your rational ones. You will need all of your calm powered brain to solve the more difficult challenges that work puts you way. 

Tip – Remember back to a time when you felt centered, balanced and beautifully in control. See what you saw, hear what you heard at that time and feel what you felt. Make it real for yourself. You are now anchored in a powerful state of mind and will be ready to tackle the drama in front of you with detachment. 

Empathy – By naming their pain you are letting go of some of your control and entering the space of vulnerability – This is the scary place where value and possibility are created. 

Tip – Be brave and put down your shield. Remember – to understand someone is not to be forced to agree with them. In fact, if you show you understand someone else, they are more likely to give you MORE of what YOU need. 

Burst the Bubble of Certainty – If your opponent looks too cock-sure, they have probably skipped the reflection part of the process. They have not crossed their own “Snake Pit” yet. 

Tip – You may chose to ask, “Are you sure that that was the way that it actually happened?” This will sow the seed of doubt and realism in their mind. You may activate the reasonable part of their brain and get them round the negotiation table. 

Drill into the WANT to find the NEED – Most people think they know what they want. Few know in detail what they need. Remember the basic human emotional drivers and see what is coming up for them. 

Tip – Listen, look and probe to understand their drivers and needs for Security, Variety, Meaning and Connection. If you know their need you can communicate and bargain with them. 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. – How are you spelling that? When you give respect you normally receive something in return for your kindness – a cessation of hostilities, a chance to speak or a place at the table. 

Tip – Ask, “What is most important to you at the moment?” – This will challenge their position in a constructive way and gently coach them into self-reflection. 

Amplify the Consequences – Ironically cranking up the description of heavenly and hellish outcomes can break a stalemate, get greater engagement in chasing down a viable solution and works on your opponent’s mind in a useful way. 

Tip – Make the good better and the bad worse. Then they (and you) will not sit on the fence. This can be a great technique for getting through a blockage, disengagement and focusing minds on what is really important – Creating options, making decisions and taking actions. 

Be ASSERTIVE – This is the Zen like balance of displaying enough power to articulate your request with enough diplomacy to maintain the dignity of your opponent. You become a powerful sender of message and care that they receive your message well. 

Tip – Match their direct or indirect phrasing. Match their Power levels – They could operate in the “Command and Control” mindset of Master and Slave, or they could be in the modern space of “Influence” and flow. 

Under-Promise and Over-Deliver – It is tempting when faced with a bully or someone articulating real emotional pain to oversell your idea or suggestion. Don’t promise the best if the best is not available. 

Tip – Work on building recognition of their case, being honest about the limits to your powers. Move the exchange onto the overall value of the outcome for both parties. If you can generate a collaborative approach to increase the size of the pot of gold, then you can be more flexible with your concessions and create an outcome that FEELS better. 

Wrong Problem – Most of the time people are not talking about the root cause problem but instead a series of related symptoms. This means that the solutions are not satisfying, profound or long lasting. If you want to build something of quality, get the pick-axe out. 

Tip – Be assertive and drill down to get to facts, time-lines and the root cause of the problem. This will feel right, easily engage the passions of both parties and lead to a more robust and workable outcome. 

Good luck. Tell me what you would add or improve… 

Matthew Hill is a leadership trainer, author and coach.

Staying on the Rapport Road to get to Reconciliation by Matthew Hill 

The following steps do not cover everything you will need. They will sensitize  you though to what you should be mindful of at the various stages of getting from difference to synergy. 

Scope

Construct an objective time line of events that have lead to this negotiation. Take out judgements, interpretations that you cannot substantiate and assumptions. Leave only the facts. 

Personalities

Separate out the people and their styles from the issues.

Do you have a red meat eating driver who needs to get to a concrete solution and cares less about how you feel?

Are you faced with a yellow social butterfly networker who is influenced by who you know rather than what you know?

Are they green ethical, principled and ecological, valuing consistency and integrity about all else?

Or, are they a blue analytical, detailed focused perfectionist who desires to have every i dotted and every t crossed? 

Positions

What are the blunt choices on the table? What is the starting point for each party? 

Interests

Moving beyond positions (which will only get us into deadlock and conflict) to look at what lies beneath. What are the hopes and fears of each team? What is the best emotional, career and political outcome for your opponent? The better negotiation often lies in delivering on interests and getting passed positions. 

Analysis

What do you WANT and what do they WANT?

What is your second best desire? And theirs?

At what point will you walk away from the table? And them? 

BATNA

Consider the possibility that you do not reach an agreement. If you walk away, what faces you? Working on your Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement is a strong way of creating desire in the other party. The more choices you have, the stronger your position and the more desirable your deal will seem to the other side. 

They too will have alternatives. You must be guided by their choices in how strong and in what way you play your cards. 

The Negotiation Begins 

Set Frame

Engage in small talk to measure their mood and style. Find common ground and areas of easy agreement. This can establish some rapport and trust, which you can build upon to generate a truly inspiring solution. 

Construct Rules for the Exchange

Agree what is acceptable behavior, what is to be included, what is to be excluded or inadmissible.

Agree how the parties are to be bound to the outcome. Consider the consequences of reaching an impasse.

Should the negotiation be referred to binding arbitration if this happens? The threat of losing control of one’s interests sharpens the mind and increases focus. 

Isolate the differences

Separate the key issues up for debate from displays of emotion, the personalities of the parties and any cultural differences. 

Redistribute power

If you have all the power, you must give some away if you want to get to an equitable, fair and sustainable outcome. If you bully your way to a signed contract you will start a miserable chapter of acrimony, resentment and revenge. 

Flat table

The aim is to create a genuinely constructive place where choices, options and clever structures can flow so that you all reach a high quality outcome.

This cannot be achieved in the context of conflict.

Vulnerability

Be brave and confess to a mistake. Invest in creating a vibration of honesty and healthy intent. This is the place where creativity and value lies. 

Tactics

You are weaving two dreams for your opponent. The pleasant one involves acceptable concession by them that will be brief and pleasurable with a minimum of discomfort. You are swamping their needs with value and safety. 

The second dream you are constructing takes place in their mind and is a subtle and growing NIGHTMARE. You will hint and suggest the escalating downside of non- compliance in such away that they create the painful vision of the future for themselves. Subtlety is the key here. 

The aim is the create a fork in the road where your preferred path looks short and golden and the alternative looks fiery, scarce and scary. This drama takes place not in conversation but in their IMAGINATION. 

Structures

Work with the logic of your opponent and keep the facts and time line clear.

Simultaneously, dial down your sensitivity to being triggered by their wind-ups and provocation. 

Stay on the pathway

Recognise the difference in interests and styles. Show respect for your opponent and reconcile your differences to produce the greatest net value for both parties. 

Quality agreement

Create mechanisms for choice and decision-making that promote a feeling of fairness and a sense of equality during the process. 

Big finish

Don’t be afraid of pumping up your positional or personal power at the final stage to tip the other party from dithering into decisiveness.

Amplify the consequences – the good of the golden path and the pain of the fiery one. 

Repair the bridge.

As soon as you have reached an equitable solution, ensure that you repair any emotional damage, personal slight and any feelings of resentment.

This will pay you back the next time and ensure that the agreement is stronger and more likely to hold. 

Record the learning

 Write down the clever phrases and formulations from this negotiation in your black book to build a powerful resource to help you grow into a world-class negotiator. 

Good luck, 

Matthew Hill is a leadership trainer, author and coach.

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What will the WEB say about YOU? By Matthew Hill 

It starts with your profile. 

Before a customer meets you they will check you out on line. If you are web invisible you ARE invisible. If you are web shabby you ARE shabby! 

Now is the time to take more control of your web presence, take it up a level and allow your rich uncles (Uncle YouTube, Uncle Facebook and Uncle LinkedIn) to help you. 

The aim is to edit and organize your data so that you are PRE-SOLD before a meeting. So that you are credible and referenced BEFORE someone calls you for the first time and so that you have distributed a “business card” to 10,000,000 people BEFORE you have met them. 

Let us start with LinkedIn. Edit your profile blue box to optimize your appeal, get yourself on the first pages of other people’s searches and present in a way you can be proud of. 

Job Title – Does it say the right thing about you? If you have a made-up title of internal jargon that will not work. Always remember. It is not what you think you do, it is what other’s think you do or what other people want and are searching for. 

Put in a descriptive title that links with your expertise and essence. 

Do you do something in the community? It would be great to have more than one current job so that you achieve key word density – a concentration of sexy words that will bump you up the page. 

Job Description – Are you repeating the sexy words in the title to increase the KWD and to reinforce your message? 

Your JD should have two components – What your duties are and what you have achieved. One is for relevance and the other for credibility. 

Put the good jobs in and leave the weird out. – You need to rigorously edit your on-line presence to stop any leakage of sensitive information or weirdness. 

Skills – At the end of the blue box make a list of all the skills, attributes and knowledge that you have. Write it as if someone else was searching for it. 

Now is not the time to be modest. 

Recommendations – Testimonials as Professor Robert Cialdini tells us, are the sure fire path to credibility. Immodestly send out requests to other people and allow them to generate recommendation statements about you that reflect well on them and well on you. This is powerful. Aim for a minimum of 5 and spread the requests to cover more than just your current role. 

LinkedIn Groups – Join at least 5 groups in your industry. Do one “favour a day” – Add a comment, give some free advice, pass on a recommendation or type in a top tip. This will begin conversations, engagement and reciprocity which is what the web is there for. 

Photo – No photo, no soul. Spend a bit of time and possibly money getting a photo that you are pleased with and that chimes in with the brand image you need to be consistent with. 

Facebook. If you have a few grey hairs and see FB as a childish medium then you need to slap your own face, wake up and start seeing it as an amplified LinkedIn. 

Rinse and repeat – Fill in your profile in a way that projects your identity, is consistent with your LinkedIn image and that will be user friendly for anyone seeking you out. 

Twitter – Use it. Plain comments are a bit of a waste of time. Use your 120 characters (Don’t use 140 or no one will retweet you) to point at value. Recommend an article, highlight a resource or share what has moved you. It is about building your brand by showing your values and character with the choices you make. Again, be consistent. 

# Tag – The single cleverest thing on the web at the moment – This is the human search engine, the social glue and an instant club former, all rolled into one. Phenomenal. Test it out by searching with words central to your passion, role or industry. When you search a word and precede it with the hash, you will start to see the magical power of the #.

Language – Remember your audience – Jargon can be elitist but will appeal to geeks in the basement that are into the same stuff. Americans and Brits use different words for the same thing and International Business English is different from Native British English. 

Avatar – This exercise is about producing a professional personality or mask that exists while you sleep. Do it well and it will become your reputation and bring good fortune to you. Be sloppy or angry and it will bite you in the skirt or trousers. 

Protect your family, children and pin number. Reveal only what you are happy for your “mother to read”. 

These are the basic first steps to editing and producing your on-line identity for the betterment of other people’s lives as well as your own. 

Good luck and I look forward to reading about you! 

Matthew Hill is a Leadership Trainer, Author and Coach. 07813 760 711

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Unlocking your winning sales mindset 

Leigh Ashton’s book is a down-to-earth rollocking good read for the frustrated sales person or sales manager who is honest enough to admit to their own self-limiting beliefs and open enough to use NLP and self-analysis to change. 

Her refreshingly straightforward pros style and plenty of grey boxes to fill in keep the pace moving along and engages the reader, encouraging them to have a go and take responsibility for their own transformation. 

I found myself attempting ALL of the exercises in the book. That is a lifetime first! 

On top of the NLP and constructive language elements lie coaching techniques that focus on reframing the negative and connecting input with output – “Communication is as good as the response it generates.” 

Providing questions in template form and showing how to dissect a client’s behaviors is really handy, as are some amplifying exercises that use the emotions of decision making to clarify outcomes. Some convoluted questions such as, “What would NOT happen if you did NOT do it?” produce surprising and useful shifts in consciousness. 

This book does not present a revolutionary new way of thinking. What it does achieve is putting the case for the “flat-earthers” to finally embrace NLP and to start digging for the hidden gems to found in language and behavour. 

With sympathy and grounded wisdom, Leigh Ashton has produced a valuable resource for anyone wishing to raise their consciousness of selling, and sales management. 

iSell, Unlocking your winning sales mindset, by Leigh Ashton is published by Ecademy Press. Price £12.99. 

Matthew Hill is a leadership trainer with many year’s experience of NLP, sales and negotiation training.

What it takes to sell in 2012... an Opinion Piece by Matthew Hill

Let us take it back to the beginning… 

Homework

Have you performed the leveraged work that only you can perform to get to having an irresistible product, a lively channel and a target audience that are going to benefit ENOUGH from doing business with you? 

Have you honed all of your communications to have ONE VOICE? Can you summerise your identity in a single word?

Do you have compelling promise to deliver value and quality?

Do you have a CHARACTER and personality that is consistent over time and consistent with your product or service?

Do you have visual congruence? 

Prime the pump

Before you can expect others to EFFICIENTLY buy from you, you must ensure that you PRE-SELL your customers.

Are you giving away enough VAULE to get noticed?

Are your character and integrity shining through with every value message? 

Rapport

Are you successfully informing the market of who you are in a pleasing and relevant way? Are you engaging people and, as they begin to know you and your authenticity? Is your story and promise infectiously appealing? 

Are you easy to trust, simple to follow and cool to be associated with? 

Proof

How are you persuading people to buy into you?

Is it with your consistency? Your logic? A great demonstration? Customer testimonials? Celebrity endorsements? “Me-too proof”? 

Decision to buy

Have you lowered the barriers to buying by squashing inertia with excitement, smashing risk with safe guarantees, overcome doubt with proof and created a club atmosphere that people want to join? 

Have you set up enough exclusivity and scarcity to get people’s hearts fluttering? 

How do you feel have read this far? 

If you are frustrated – take action and get something moving… 

If you are 90% “yes”, then your cycle is almost complete. Good for you. 

Matthew Hill is a leadership coach and trainer – 07813 760 711

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How to Make Millions from Apparently Impossible Ideas 

Mike Harris launched FirstDirect and Egg and has just sold Garlik. His book “Find your Light Bulb” is an entrepreneur’s handbook and step-by-step guide to move successfully from idea, through start-up and launch to revenue and expansion. 

With many quotes, stories and models, Harris shows us in clear and manageable chunks, what is required to launch your business – unquenchable enthusiasm and a vision of a Bold and Inspiring Future – BIF. 

He flips the inevitable criticism that you will encounter into constructive research and advise, calling them insights. 

He details how to brainstorm properly and to create your brand identity (name what you promise to deliver and expand upon your company’s personality and values.) 

My favourite part is his explanation and examples of the Dynamic Action Plan for the first year of your business, with its flexible means and non-negotiable ends. 

Another excellent contributions was in explaining what makes a team “hot” and how you can engineer a winning culture from the outset and therefore bypass the default and uncertain culture that will emerge unaided. 

If there is a criticism, and there must be one in every review, it is that he inevitably refers back to his own war stories many times. Whilst the stories make a good point, they may distance the reader not involved in digital security or consumer banking. 

His wisdom is at its best, and it is where most text books and leadership training do not go - Phase two when you have successfully launched. 

After initial success a new enemy emerges. The danger shifts from time and cash flow to the activity of the competition. You can patent and protect technology and method but not your ideas. 

Success has many fathers and your main competitor wants to become your prison daddy. 

Bonus material on moderating meetings when things are not going well more that pays back the cover price. 

Mike Harris has delivered a valuable guide to the phases and actions required to move from thinking about it to succeeding with your idea. 

“Find your Light bulb” is published by Capstone Publishing Limited, Price £12.99

How many of us are found to be underperforming when we compare our achievements with the goals we set in our most excited moment? 

Have we procrastinated, given up or attempted to jump over the high bar only to graze our shin and yelp in agony. 

The Gravity of False Security. 

In order to maintain face and live with ourselves, we justify and count our blessings. “I didn’t achieve the heady heights of XXX, but at least I have a steady job, an OK house and relationship and can afford my annual holiday.

As the father of NLP, Richard Bandler, points out staying in our comfort zone is not only unsustainable, its not comfortable either. 

That average job could disappear in the next six months. That unrewarding relationship could collapse not long after. And your modest savings will disappear when your income dries up for just a couple of months. 

Your so called humdrum life is… living on the edge of chaos and disaster! 

It is time to take action. 

Do something! Turn off the television. Read a book. Watch an educational YouTube video. Sign up to a seminar. Phone a friend and get a mentor or coach. 

Can’t, mustn’t, shouldn’t, won’t, etc… 

This is when the self-justification and self-limiting script really kicks in to protect your high wire precarious safety. 

Safety only comes from action, progress, growth, development, improvement, risk, stretch, challenge and effort. If you are failing to plan for your success, you are planning to fail and have no success. 

Self Limiting Beliefs 

“What will people think of me?” This is at the heart of most blockages. 

The truth is… no one cares. And even if they did, “What other people think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.” 

The three core mantra words for you to take some control – Believe, Behave and Become. 

1. Believe – Smash your SLB’s. Define your identity and true purpose in life. 

Answer some empowering questions. When are you great? What do you do with excellence and heart? How do you do it? (better than others) Why do you do it? What is your higher calling and purpose? 

Is it time to set your SUCCESS THERMOSTAT from warm to HOT, HOT, HOT? 

2. Behave – Dream your big dream. Plan for success in detail. Prioritize you actions to make the dream come true. Decide to act. Declare your intentions to all. Take smart actions – big, small and regular. Rinse and repeat. 

Refine – Revisit, measure, reflect and reset direction to maintain momentum and progress. 

3. Become - Push back on push back 

When you stretch and go for it you should be warned. You are going to exceed your knowledge, resources and emotional capacity. You are going to stretch the tolerance of the average souls around you. You are going to make others feel uncomfortable. 

It is time to crank up your resourceful resolve. Become the ace of problem solving, the champ of work arounds, the gazelle of jumping over barriers and the gritty hero of decision-making. 

The next development phase of you is to become a volcano of enthusiasm, effortlessly engaging others with your story of the future, delegating tasks and unleashing the engagement and energy of the many in pursuit of what has become your common goal. 

There’s more! 

Why stop here? Multiply your efforts. Amplify your message. Use Social Media channels and informational products to go international. Tell your story. You own it and deserve the chance to have your say. 

Delegate, share, move people, inspire them to reflect, act and join. 

Destiny comes from Character. 

This is your chance to display your character and align with a higher calling that resonates with the audience’s gap, lack and vacuum. You will find their needs, both emotional and functional and thrill them as you spread your simple and profound vision. 

Persistence. 

All the greats kept on going. Keep the torch burning, keep shining the light and keep on course to the goal. Change your methods and go around obstacles if you must. Always keep your vision as a NON-NEGOTIABLE outcome. 

Capacity 

Recharge, review, reflect, recommit with each milestone that you successfully achieve. 

Servant.

When you know you are winning a strange thing will happen. You will become the humble servant of your vision. Dial down you ego, transcend your vulgar needs and be generous, self-less and kind. 

I wish you the success that you know you have within you. I wish you the resolve you will require in your darkest hours. I wish you the peace and bliss that comes from operating at your best and shining your inner light on those around you. 

Be inspired and shout to lift others up so that they may see and share your goal. 

What are you waiting for?  Start something…

Matthew Hill is an author, coach and public speaker on the subject of New Leadership 

07813 760 711

http://www.ipadio.com/channels/MatthewHill

Check out The Leadership Mintue Phlog on Ipadio and ask yourself... Are you READY?

Matthew

Matthew Hill

07813 760 711

1. Know your audience, competitors and market. 

2. Find out what your audience think they WANT. 

3. Work out what they NEED. 

4. Give it to them! 

5. Specialise into a MICRONICHE and be visible in Social Media so that they can FIND YOU. 

Have I missed  anything? 

Matthew Hill is a Leadership Trainer and Coach with Hill Networks Limited, www.hillnetworks.com, 07813 760 711

 by Matthew Hill 

Your view of the business world will influence your behaviour and have amplified consequences for you, your team and your customers. 

If you see the world as benign and beautiful your behaviour is likely to be open and trusting. You are more likely to invest in relationships, be honest with your views and to share wisdom and effort. 

Conversely, if you see the business environment as a battle ground, as hostile or evil then this will limit your display of unconditional love in the boardroom. 

We are likely to see defence, secrecy, aggression, hard bargaining and a transactional approach to people. Your world will be full of tasks to be performed and not relationships to leverage. 

Our view of the world is evident in how we carry out our duties as a leader. They shape the destiny of the business, the culture and morale of the team and will become our epitaph. 

What will you view of the world be for 2012?

Matthew Hill is a Leadership Trainer - +44 7813 760 711